


Mine (Past Perfect)

by isengard



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, POV Alternating, don't worry they get back together in the end, origin story told backwards, songfic kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-09-04
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:29:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isengard/pseuds/isengard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teddy and Billy break up, then remember all the reasons they got together in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“God _damnit_ Billy!” Teddy’s fist goes through the wall. “It’s fucking simple! If you want to _be_ with someone, you fucking act like it!”

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Billy yells back. “I didn’t even do anything!”

“Yeah, that’s just it, you _don’t_ do anything. You don’t call me, you don’t text me, you just do whatever the fuck you want and you don’t even consider – ”

“Maybe because every time I fucking try, you blow up at me!”

Teddy hits himself in the leg to avoid putting more holes in the wall. They’ve been fighting like this for weeks, it seems like. He doesn’t even know how it started. Maybe Billy said something, or maybe he said something, and then Billy started avoiding him, and he’s been _trying_ , okay, trying really fucking hard, but it’s just. Not. Working.

“Maybe…” he sits on the edge of Billy’s bed. He tries to keep his voice down. “Maybe we should take a break.”

Billy crosses his arms. “You want to break up?”

“Right now, kind of.” He rubs his eyes. “You don’t treat me like a boyfriend, Bill. I’m fucking sick of it.”

“Fine.”

He looks up. “ _Fine_? That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“What do you want me to say, Ted? You want to break up, fine. Let’s break up.”

And that’s it.

Teddy’s still in shock when he gets home. He’d never intended on _ending things_ with Billy. Sure, they were going through a rough patch…I mean, Billy’s been fucking insufferable, but Teddy never thought he’d just _give up_ like that. Just let him go without a fight. Shit, he’d have fought for Billy, if the tables were turned. He’s sure of it. But Billy just gave in, like it didn’t even mean anything.

Maybe this is what Billy wanted all along.

He starts to cry, and he’s only a little ashamed. He never let himself cry before Billy. No, before Billy it was all noise and bullshit and _people_ , people that Teddy wasn’t, people that everyone else wanted him to be. “Identity” for Teddy used to be like a series of t-shirts that he’d bust out for different occasions; always fluid, never steady. Some were familiar, comfier, but at the end of the day, he’d shed them and find a new one. It’s an exhausting way to live.

But then there was Billy, and Billy had so much more _reason_ to hide than Teddy, but he didn’t. Billy, with his slight frame and long eyelashes and shy smile; that smile that turned Teddy’s stomach into a knot the first time he saw him. It’s a smile with a question mark at the end, because more then half the time it ends with Billy getting his ass kicked, but it’s stayed the same all these years, after everything Billy’s been through. He never lost it.

But Teddy’s lost it.

He’s lost Billy.

\--

Billy once saw a poster in a record store that said “People Always Leave”, and those three words have haunted him since. He’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it’s not like he doesn’t have good reason, I mean, Billy’s no stranger to disappointment. He keeps his expectations of people comically low, and they _still_ always find a way to let him down. And it never fails; every single time he starts to really count on someone, they leave him. For god’s sake, even his own _mother_ didn’t want him. And if the one person who’s supposed to love you unconditionally doesn’t even want you, what does that say about the rest of your life? His therapist likes to remind him that he has two loving parents who wanted him desperately, and he knows that, and of course he loves them back, but it doesn’t change the facts.

So it’s really not surprising when Teddy says he wants to break up. Disappointing, sure. Billy had been counting on Teddy, because Billy’s a fucking idiot and he forgot that People Always Leave. That’s the rule, isn’t it? There’s always a better friend, a better adventure, a better son. Billy knows this. He knew from the beginning he could never keep Teddy. Teddy is warm, and steady, and loyal, and _good_ , and Billy’s pretty sure his own parents even like Teddy better than him. Teddy _sees_ people; he sees what they need and he gives it to them. Billy’s never known anyone like him. 

The break-up – well, it was probably mostly Billy’s fault. He’s been shutting Teddy out. Teddy’s been talking about colleges, and life after high school, and it was sort of a wake-up-call to Billy that they’ll be _leaving_ soon. Leaving the city and going off to god knows where, and Teddy will meet other people, and other guys, and he’ll find someone better, and that’s just the harsh truth. Billy’s been telling himself this, over and over, but he can’t seem to quash that infuriating voice that until a few hours ago said _Teddy won’t leave you_. 

Now, of course, that horrible, maddening voice is saying, _Teddy will come back_.

But he won’t come back. People don’t, once they leave. With so many better things than Billy out there in the future, who would ever want to go back?

\-- 

Teddy wants to go back.

He’s been running over and over in his mind, trying to figure out how they got to this place. How he got so _frustrated_ to the point that he punched a hole in Billy’s bedroom wall. There’s got to be a reason that this was his fault, right? I mean, it stands to reason that if he broke it, he can fix it.

But it doesn’t know what’s broken. Just that it is.

It wasn’t always like this, though. Teddy can’t help smiling to himself when he thinks about it. The first time he saw Billy. The first time they talked, the first time their fingers brushed together accidentally on purpose; their first kiss, their first sleepover. Coming out to Billy’s parents together. The first time Billy blurted out, “I love you,” and Teddy could’ve cried he was so happy. Everything was just _easy_ back then. It was always easy with Billy, as natural as breathing. Teddy hadn’t really known what it was until Billy’d said, “I like that I can be myself around you, Ted,” and it hadn’t really hit Teddy until later that night, because Billy was _always_ himself, that’s why Teddy loved him. And Teddy’d put on all the masks, he’d done everything he could think of to get Billy to fall for him. God, what were they doing – watching some stupid movie on the SciFi channel, _Sharktopus_ or something – and he’d passed Billy a slice of pizza, and just the way Billy _looked_ at him, that look that Teddy’d been trying to get for weeks and then, when he wasn’t even doing anything, finally got it.

He remembers how, when they started dating, Billy’d just randomly look over and say, “Thanks, Teddy”

And Teddy’d say, “For what?”

And Billy’d say, “For being you.”

And this happened too many times for Teddy to count, but he still never expected to hear it when he did.

It’s these kinds of things that Teddy finds himself thinking about now. Funny how at the end of things, you always find yourself reliving the beginning.

\-- 

“Oh shit, you got Huntzberger?” Greg was looking over his shoulder, reading his schedule. “Fucking sucks, bro.” He patted Teddy sympathetically on the shoulder.

“Why? What’s wrong with him?”

“Dude’s a fucking lunatic. Got like, half his ass shot off in ‘Nam or something. He’s got a metal fucking ass cheek.”

“You can hear it clang when he sits down,” Tim added, his mouth full of breakfast burrito.

Teddy laughed and stuffed his binder in his backpack. “Sounds kinda badass.”

Greg threw a tater tot at him. “I can’t believe you just said a metal ass cheek sounds ‘kinda badass’.”

“Hey, if it’s good enough for the Terminator,” Teddy pointed out.

Greg considered. “Touché. Alright, metal ass cheeks get a pass. Huntzberger does not.”

“Whatever, man.” Teddy grabbed his Gatorade and mimed splashing it on Greg, who flinched even though he knew the cap was on. Greg always flinched. “I’ll see you a-holes later.”

He heard Tim yell something like, “Altman wants that Huntzberger metal dick!” and gave them all the finger over his shoulder. It was just a joke, of course. His friends didn’t know he was gay. Or maybe they suspected, because he’d never expressed a huge interest in girls, but they were content with just keeping it out of their minds.

 

And as it turned out, they were right. Not about the metal ass cheek, but about Huntzberger being a fucking nutcase. Their reading list for his English class was _massive_ , full of books Teddy’d never heard of and books he didn’t think they were really meant to read until senior year. Teddy actually loves reading; he’s always loved to read, but didn’t really broadcast that at the time. God, he’d been so fucking miserable back then, when he thinks about it now. At this point in the memory, he’s excited, because he knows what’s coming next. Huntzberger announced that the class had a “heavy” (and that was frankly an understatement) focus on reading responses, and that they’d come to class every day with a one page reading response, and discuss them with their partners.

Yes, _partners_. They got a reading response partner, just one, for the whole semester. Huntzberger’s not a complete sadist; he let them pick their own partners. Teddy had a handful of friends in the class, he thinks, it’s hard to be sure now because all he thinks of when he thinks of junior year English is Billy, but there were a few people he could’ve partnered with. He hadn’t been without options. But there was a boy sitting in a front corner desk, a boy with untidy dark hair and narrow shoulders, and all it took was two big brown eyes and a tremble of a smile for Teddy to forget about everything else in the world.

Teddy remembers every single nanosecond of the moment he first saw Billy. He remembers Billy’s dark, fitted jeans, scuffed around the knees from getting shoved into the lockers between classes. He remembers seeing Billy’s collarbones peeking out from behind his maroon v-neck; he thinks of how only weeks from then he was pressing his lips against those collarbones and whispering a hundred promises into them. He remembers the veins on Billy’s forearms and the delicate tendons in Billy’s hands and the sharp Adam’s apple in his throat and the way his ears went a little pink when Teddy approached him. He remembers how Billy turned and looked over his shoulder, as though expecting to see someone that Teddy could’ve conceivably been headed towards; how his eyes widened when he realized Teddy was coming to see _him_. He remembers thinking that Billy was the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen. 

Teddy isn’t a particularly insecure person. He’d never had problems being accepted at that point; mostly because of his innate ability to show people what they wanted to see. But he was nervous about approaching Billy. It seemed to take a very long time, that walk to the front of the room, and if Teddy closes his eyes now, he can picture the dozen different ways that Billy’s lips parted as he got closer, and he can _smell_ Billy, that pine needles and cinnamon scent that came off Billy’s skin and reminded him of Christmas. He let himself fall into the seat opposite Billy with a thud and grinned at him sheepishly. “Teddy Altman,” he said, extending a hand. “Need a partner?”

\--

Billy legitimately thought he was being punk’d. Two minutes earlier he’d been internally groaning because fucking Huntzberger, in a fit of collaborative teaching, had given them the task of finding reading partners for the entire semester. Why he couldn’t just lecture and call on unsuspecting students to answer questions, Billy didn’t understand. He saw everyone around him excitedly pairing off with their friends, and he waited for the inevitable other outcast to come to the front of the room and slouch next to him. And then – _Teddy_ , but he didn’t know it at the time of course, didn’t know that he was about to fall head over heels in love with the blue-eyed boy that came to sit across from him, jock-thick with blonde bed-head, loaded ears, and dimples like a fucking movie star.

“Teddy Altman,” he said. “Need a partner?”

Billy shook his hand and tried not to look shocked. He stammered, “Uh – yeah, sure. I’m – I’m Billy. Kaplan. Like the test prep.”

“Righteous,” Teddy grinned. “I’ve got some Princeton Review prep books at home; hopefully that won’t be an issue.”

“We should be able to overcome it, I think.” He couldn’t help grinning back. The day had started out predictably: getting knocked into some lockers, cut in the coffee line seven or eight times, the usual taunts of “fag” and “cocksucker” in the locker room. He was used to that stuff. What he wasn’t used to was gorgeous popular guys coming and offering to be his class partner without so much as a “no homo”.

“So, you believe what they say about Huntzberger?” Teddy asked. He sounded like he was teasing, but not in a cruel way. It was an affectionate sort of tone, and Billy wanted to hear it again as soon as possible.

“What do they say?”

“My buddy Greg said he caught a shell in the ass in ‘Nam and lost a cheek,” he said under his breath, raising his eyebrows at Billy meaningfully, “But that he’s got a replacement one made of metal.”

Billy snorted. “Sounds like the setup for a bad ‘Buns of Steel’ joke.”

“Right?”

It was so easy to talk to him, Billy remembers. He just knew how to make you comfortable. Within minutes they were deciding which side of Huntzberger’s ass was the metal side, laughing and joking in a way that made Billy feel warm all over. Teddy stretched back at one point with his arms over his head and Billy had a hard time not staring. It’s weird for Billy to think about now, now that he has Teddy’s body memorized in every way. It’s strange that there was a time when he didn’t know about the birthmark on Teddy’s side, or the freckles on his back, or the tattoo of his father’s initials on his chest. That there was a time when he didn’t know the feeling of falling asleep against Teddy’s chest, or the sensation of Teddy’s weight settling over him when they were in bed together, or the sweet smell of warm metal from Teddy’s ears when they lay out face to face in the sun. And he’d surely thought about all those things during that first class period, although he never expected to experience them, and he never expected it to be better than anything he could’ve imagined. But that was Teddy. Great in theory, even better in person. He didn’t – he _doesn’t_ know why Teddy ever talked to him in the first place. 

That stupid little voice in the back of his mind says _Teddy loved you then, and Teddy loves you now_. But Billy’s not sure of anything anymore. Teddy left. And Billy’s got his memories, but outside of them, he’s lost.


	2. Chapter 2

The thing about Billy is, he never really _had_ to come out of the closet. Well, with his parents he sort of did (or he’d thought he did), but at school, everybody knew. Billy got his ass handed to him on a semi-regular basis, and since he wasn’t deformed, in the marching band, or rocking black nail polish, it could only be for one reason. So it wasn’t like he was hiding, and he doesn’t think he would’ve if he could go back. It’s not worth it; pretending to be somebody else. It just means you end up with a life that’s not yours. 

So sure, Billy’s life hadn’t been particularly great, in fact most of the time it was downright shitty. But it made him strong. Billy’s always been good on his own; sometimes he gets really low, but he always bounces back, and he always manages to hold his classmates at arms length with the appropriate levels of disdain. He doesn’t need anybody else; he doesn’t _expect_ anybody else. He’d long since given up actively pursuing new friendships when he met Teddy, and that’s why Teddy was so surprising. Because Teddy was actually interested, right off the bat. Interested in everything Billy had to say, interested in his life, and that made Billy interested back, because who the fuck _was_ this guy anyways? Billy’s not an idiot, he can tell when someone is throwing vibes at him, and he knew, but he didn’t understand. Part of him wanted to jump headfirst into it with Teddy, just lay it all out, his heart, his virginity, everything. They’d be sitting in class talking, or just goofing off, and every second of that time, Billy was thinking about reaching out and touching him, about running his fingers through Teddy’s hair and kissing down his rows of earrings and he’d catch himself leaning closer and closer to Teddy until their bodies were almost touching, but he’d always stop himself, because he thought _there’s no way_. No way this guy could be for real.

\--

“You’re out of your damn mind,” Teddy laughed. “Iron Man could _never_ beat the Hulk. He’d get pounded!”

“Iron Man can fight anywhere though,” Billy argued. “He could take them to the bottom of the ocean, or into _space_ , I mean, Hulk can’t cope with that.”

“He’d never have to! Because Iron Man wouldn’t even get the – ”

“Altman! Kaplan! You two seem to be enjoying our discussion of the _play_ ,” Huntzberger said loudly, holding up his battered copy of _Death of a Salesman_. “Would you care to share any insights you’re having?”

Billy looked to Teddy, who didn’t say anything. He looked utterly bewildered. Neither of them had actually cracked open the play; they’d been too busy talking about other stuff. Billy bit back a grin.

“Uh…” Teddy looked around the class, a sheepish smile dashing across his face. “Well, to be perfectly honest – ”

“We’re confused,” Billy cut in. He shot Teddy a look that said _I’ve got this_. Because if there’s one thing Billy knows how to do, it’s talk his way out of things. He’s smart, which is a blessing and a curse, because it means he could do really well in school if he just put forth a moderate effort, but instead he skates along the edge, finding ways around everything. It frustrates his parents (and teachers) to no end.

Huntzberger raised an eyebrow. “Confused?”

“Yeah, we’re having a hard time…relating. To the story. Because the context is so far removed from what we’re used to.” Billy had absolutely _no_ idea what the context of the play even was, but he knew this was a failsafe response, because not only does it apply to every piece of literature ever assigned to high school students, it also gives teachers a golden opportunity to lament on the narrow-mindedness of the teenage psyche, and there’s really nothing that teachers like to do more.

Huntzberger nodded wisely. “I’m glad you touched on that, Billy. You’re right, of course. Willy Loman’s reality is quite different from your own, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not _relatable_. Kessler! Perhaps you’d like to shed some more light on this. What makes a story relatable?”

“How do you _do_ that?” Teddy whispered as they both breathed a sigh of relief. “Just come up with bullshit on the spot?”

“It’s a gift,” Billy grinned back. “I can try to teach you my ways, but it’s been sixteen years in the making. You’ll have some catching up to do.” _Shit_ , why did he say that? _Too strong, Kaplan. Too strong_. He’d been waiting for the awkward pause, the weird look that meant _you’re different_.

But Teddy just flexed those gorgeous dimples at him, winked, and said, “Good thing I’m a quick study.”

And Billy’s brain went kind of stupid for a minute. Because Teddy Altman was _flirting_ with him. And it was, quite frankly, way too good to be true, but he lapped it up anyways. He always did.

He feels like a fucking idiot for that now. He should’ve known. Goddamnit, he should’ve fucking known.

\--

School was never Teddy’s favorite place in the world. The learning part was all very well, and he liked his classes all right, but it was the _people_ that burned him out. The teachers, the students, his reflection in the ugly lighting of the boy’s locker room, all pushing at him, all trying to get him to be something else. He used to try so fucking hard for them. He used to laugh good-naturedly when teachers made the same tired jokes about his earrings, play along when Greg needed him to be a wingman, agree with all Tim’s stupid fucking ideas that didn’t even make any sense. And occasionally those ideas would end with them in detention or failing an assignment, and Teddy _hated_ it, but he couldn’t ever stop it. It was like being on an endless undercover mission. He had to protect the mission at all costs. And looking back, he never even knew what the “mission” was.

But after meeting Billy, school was the thing he looked forward to every day. All weekend, when he was bumming around the beach or downtown with Greg and the guys, he was just thinking about English class, just thinking about sitting down next to Billy and seeing his nervous little smile and watching the way he shifted his legs in his seat and the way his hair fell in front of his eyes, just begging for Teddy to brush it away. He could swear Billy was excited to see him too, and that gave him the thrill of his life. He’d spend every second that he wasn’t with Billy thinking about how he was gonna act the next time around Billy, how he was gonna be better, how he was gonna make Billy fall for him. It never worked out how he wanted it to. He’d start being flirty, and then Billy would give him one of those disarmingly genuine smiles and he’d forget how to think. Or he’d be funny, self-deprecating Teddy, which always seemed to go over well with the rest of the guys, and Billy would pull his lower lip into his mouth while Teddy was rambling on and every ounce of wit Teddy possessed would evaporate on the spot because _fuck_ , looking at Billy’s lips would be the death of him. Even now, his stomach does a little flip thinking about them.

\--

“Upper West Side, huh? Have you ever been to that Grindhouse Café on 85th and Columbus? They have these pastry things, they’re like orange flavored – ”

“Orange rolls! Hell yes!” Billy exclaimed. “That place is like, two blocks from my building. I go there all the time. Especially because there’s the – ”

“ – game store next door, yeah,” Teddy finished for him, trying and failing to subdue the grin that was rapidly spreading across his face. He thought he’d seen Billy walk past the Grindhouse the other day, and it was so perfect, because the G-House was Teddy’s _place_. He’d never taken Greg or Tim or any of the guys there; he’d found the game store a few months back and then the coffeeshop, and had been taking the subway up from Midtown to escape there ever since. Of _course_ Billy Kaplan would live near there. Of course he’d know about the orange rolls, of course, because he was fucking perfect and already more in tune with Teddy’s life, his real, honest-to-god life, than almost anyone else Teddy knew. “I go there a lot too,” he admitted.

Billy gave him a funny look, which made him falter. “Why? I thought you lived in Midtown.”

“Well, I do – I just like getting out sometimes, you know?” _God, what the fuck was that, Teddy_? 

“We should meet up there sometime,” Billy said, and it was rushed, like maybe (Teddy hoped) he was nervous, like it meant more than just “meet up”. He looked at the ground as soon as he said it, and Teddy’s heart leapt in his chest.

“We totally should,” he agreed. “That would be awesome.”

And then Billy’s eyes met his again, those gorgeous, dark brown eyes that seemed to hold a thousand secrets, and a current of warmth passed between them, and he could’ve easily leaned forward and brushed Billy’s lips with his…

But then the shuffle of students and bags all around them signaled the end of class, and the spell was broken.

“Yo, Ted!” Greg was leaning against the door with Tim and John. “Lunch at ‘Bertos, your ass owes me a Super Taco.”

Teddy noticed Billy stiffen a little next to him, but he didn’t really understand why. If he’d thought about it for half a second, he surely could’ve. But all he was thinking was _no, I don’t want class to be over_. He didn’t want to go back to being the Teddy that hung with Greg and Tim and John, didn’t want to sit and watch them crunch chips on the floor of Alberto’s, not caring that the owner’s fourteen year old son had to come sweep it up afterwards. 

“Guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said to Billy, but Billy was giving him a strange look, almost fearful, like he didn’t know him. He hesitated. Why was Billy looking at him like that? What did he do?

“ _Ted_ , ditch the fag and lets go,” John called.

Honestly, it was like having a light switch flipped on. 

\--

Billy fucking _knew_ it.

He knew Teddy was too good to be true. He knew it’d blow up in his face if he let his guard down. He knew, he knew, he knew. And here was the proof. Motherfucking John Kessler with Greg Norris and Tim Wells, all standing in front of the door, all sneering openly at him, recognizing one of their favorite punching bags. And they were waiting for _Teddy_. To go to lunch, laugh about the dumb kid from his English class that had basically _asked him out_. What the fuck was Billy thinking? Of course Teddy’d have popular friends; he’s cool, charming, athletic, the whole fucking package, and Billy’s just the idiot who thought he might have a shot in hell with this guy.

“ _Ted_ , ditch the fag and let’s go,” Kessler said, his lip curling at the mention of Billy. Kessler didn’t scare Billy; he was pretty sure the guy was barricading himself inside the closet, but that didn’t mean he wanted Kessler’s attention on him. He’d given Billy a black eye in gym a couple weeks back, and humiliated him in the locker room every chance he got. So Billy waited, waited for Teddy to laugh along, waited for him to sneer too, to do something that aligned him with these stupid intolerant assholes that seemed to make up ninety-nine-percent of the student population at their school.

“Hey, watch your fucking mouth, John,” Teddy growled. “And give me a second here.” 

_What_?

Kessler stepped forward. “The fuck did you say to me?”

Teddy stepped forward too, and Billy’s eyes met Greg’s, and saw with a mixture of surprise and pleasure that they actually looked a little scared.

“I _said_ watch. Your. Fucking. Mouth.” Now, John Kessler’s a big guy, but Teddy’s bigger. He seemed huge that day, looming over Kessler, his eyes a storm and his mouth a hard line. Billy found himself getting insanely turned on and had to fight to stand still and keep a neutral face.

“You fucking with me right now, Altman?”

“Does it look like I’m fucking with you?”

“Come on, Ted,” Greg whined. “You’re seriously gonna side with that little queer over your _friends_?”

“Billy is my friend,” Teddy said. “And if you have a problem with that, Greg, then you can kindly fuck off.”

 _Whoa_.

They all stared at each other for several moments. Then Greg looked Teddy and Billy up and down, his expression full of disgust. “There’s no coming back from this, you know. We’re done.”

“Fine by me,” Teddy shrugged.

“You’re gonna regret this,” Kessler snarled. “You better watch your fucking _back_.”

Teddy laughed. “Are you seriously trying to _threaten_ me, Kessler? Because I’ll have you on your ass in about two seconds flat.”

Kessler jerked his chin in Billy’s direction. “Yeah, I bet that’d give your boyfriend something to jerk off to.”

Billy’s anger flared. “Trust me,” he heard himself say, “you’re not my type.”

 _That_ was probably a mistake. Teddy snorted, and even Greg seemed slightly amused, but Kessler looked murderous. He opened his mouth, but they never found out what he was going to say, because Greg quickly said, “’Bertos, John. Let’s bounce. We can deal with them later.”

“Whatever,” Kessler spat. “You fags have fun riding each other’s dicks.”

And then they were gone.

“Right to the core,” Teddy groaned sarcastically, miming stabbing himself in the chest. “ _Sex_. The ultimate insult.”

Billy found he was having a hard time processing what just transpired. “Um. You didn’t have to – I mean, those were your friends, you don’t – ”

Teddy shook his head. “Fuck them. Those guys aren’t my friends. Not really.”

And Billy was pretty sure he knew what Teddy meant, but he didn’t say anything, because he didn’t trust himself not to blurt out some sort of confession of undying love.

“So,” Teddy rocked back on his heels. “You wanna get some lunch?”

\--

So that’s how it started, for Teddy. Any doubts he’d had about ditching Greg and the others for good were immediately erased when he saw the way Billy looked at him. And it’s not like he had _zero_ other friends. Eli, from football, was still buddies with him, and Billy’s friends Kate and Cassie were cool, if slightly unhinged. Cassie’s boyfriend Nate was all right too. Even without Billy, it would’ve been a good crew. 

_Without Billy_. He can’t believe it’s over. He can’t believe Billy just let it go. After everything they’ve been through together. Un-fucking-believable.

 _Well, you sort of started it_. Did he? Did Teddy start this shit, when he punched a hole in the wall, when he admitted that he was thinking about breaking up? But _thinking _about something isn’t the same thing as _doing_ it, or even wanting it. Surely Billy knows that. Billy has to know that Teddy loves him, that Teddy would do anything to fix it. He _has___ to know that, right?

Teddy really doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do now. Billy’s always been it for him. Every perfect memory he has from the past year is with Billy. Billy saved Teddy, fucking pulled him out of the dark and emptiness that always left him grasping for something to hold onto, always moments away from taking a wrong step and falling off. Teddy was _sure_ of Billy. Well, he thought he was, anyways. He can remember being sure of Billy when they met up at the Grindhouse for the first time, and the second time, and all the times after that, wandering between coffee and video games and reminiscing about their old Pokemon cards and going back to Billy’s to “do homework”, which usually amounted to little more than kicking each other’s asses on Call Of Duty and getting fed into oblivion by Billy’s parents. 

\--

“I think I’ve gained like, ten pounds in the past week,” Teddy moaned, clutching his stomach dramatically. “Your parents will be the death of me.”

“Jews,” Billy laughed. “They can’t help it. I’m a huge disappointment to them because they can’t seem to fatten me up.”

Teddy glared at him. It’s true, Billy doesn’t gain weight, and it’s not for lack of trying. Bastard. He bumped Billy’s knee with his. “Yeah, well, pretty soon I’m not gonna fit through your front door.”

Billy bumped him back. “Then we’ll feed you outside.”

He raised an eyebrow and bumped Billy a little harder, this time with his elbow. “You should come over to my place sometime, Kaplan. My mom can make you some of her world famous frozen pizza.”

Billy laughed and shoved at him. “Hey, I _love_ frozen pizza. It’s a date.”

And Teddy just couldn’t help himself. A warm, fuzzy feeling was filling him up at Billy’s words, even if he didn’t mean them like _that_ , and Teddy let his knee fall and just rest against Billy’s. And he shook his head at him, unable to stop grinning, and said in a low voice, “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

And Billy got very quiet, and he looked down at their knees, and then up at Teddy, and then at his hands, and then back at Teddy, and Teddy’d straightened a little bit, thinking that maybe something was about to happen, _oh please_ , he’d thought, _please let this be it_. But then Billy just picked up his controller and cleared his throat, saying, “Okay, I hope you’re ready to meet your doom.”

“ _My_ doom? I’m sorry, who has only two lives left?”

“Yeah, but I just picked up a grenade launcher,” Billy said. “You’re going _down_.”

He didn’t move his knee, and neither did Teddy, and Teddy went down like a motherfucker, head over heels, not even trying to break his fall. The game they were playing was one part Modern Warfare and two parts something much sweeter, and Teddy doesn’t remember what the outcome of the first part was, but he knows the second part by heart.


	3. Chapter 3

Teddy could’ve guessed he was falling in love with Billy from the get-go. He should’ve, really. But he was so focused on Billy, trying so hard to be careful and friendly and just _everything_ for Billy, that he forgot to check his own feelings, and then of course, they went and caught up with him. Brutally. And that’s when things got a little rough for him, at least for a couple weeks. It took about a month for him to realize it, though, so once it hit him, it wasn’t like he could go back. They were already inseparable, already _best friends_ , they’d occasionally called each other. That label stung, Teddy remembers. To him, “best friend” meant “let’s not ruin this by making things complicated”.

So he’d waited.

And waited.

It started to get physically painful for him. Not only because he’d suddenly find himself pitching half-tents in his boxers several times a day, when Billy did something as innocuous as stretch back with his hands clasped behind his head, making the fabric of his shirt tight against his chest and the hem lift just enough so that Teddy could see a sliver of pale skin over the top of his jeans. And then Teddy’d have to wait until later that night when he could finally jerk himself off, Billy’s name falling from his lips as he came in white-hot spurts. It was pleasure mixed with agony, and it hurt his _heart_ , and Teddy hadn’t known how much longer he could stand it when Billy finally made his move and changed everything.

They were sitting on Teddy’s couch for once, in the stuffy little TV room tucked in the basement of the ground floor townhouse Teddy shared with his mom. It was meant to be a laundry room, but Teddy’s mother had moved the washing machine and dryer into the garage, because they had neither a car nor enough stuff to fill the whole space. So the TV room had a concrete floor and no windows, an ugly dark purple rug he’d found in a dumpster, and an enormous corduroy couch the previous tenants had left behind. Not exactly the warm, welcoming, clean-furnishings atmosphere of the Kaplan’s, but Billy claimed to love it.

“Yeah, bitch! Get some!” Billy crowed, overly enthusiastic as always, as he blew up another enemy tank. “I am _killing_ this level!”

Teddy threw up his hands. “I quit. You are officially the master of this game.”

Billy looked sideways at him and grinned widely. “Took you long enough to recognize it.”

Teddy found himself momentarily stunned by the force of Billy’s smile, and it took him a few seconds longer to reply than it should’ve, because he was positively _buzzing_ with desire all over. Sitting this close to Billy, in an empty house, with nothing but their voices bouncing off the walls, and the bob in Billy’s throat every time he yelled at the TV, or the tension in his arms as he hammered frantically on the buttons of the controller – well, it’s a wonder Teddy hadn’t burst into flames, basically. He was getting turned on by his own thoughts, and he knew he was looking at Billy too intensely, knew he was killing the jovial mood with his hesitation, but he couldn’t stop it.

He finally collapsed back against the cushions and said, “What can I say, you got luck – ”

And then he was abruptly cut off by Billy kissing him.

He’s still not entirely sure how it happened. One minute he was closing his eyes and wishing he could just put himself out of his misery, and the next, Billy’s lips were crushed against his and he wasn’t even registering that it was a _kiss_ and his eyes flew open in surprise, and then Billy’s eyes opened and saw him, and then Billy jumped back, his face tomato red.

“I – I – I’ve gotta – ” Billy made to get up off the couch, presumably to run out of Teddy’s house and never see him again, and Teddy finally crashed back to earth and said “ _Wait_." He grabbed Billy’s hand tightly before the other boy could bolt and pulled him back with a sharp inhale, clutching a handful of Billy’s soft t-shirt in his fist and bringing his other hand to the back of Billy’s neck, pressing their faces together and whimpering slightly at the feel of Billy’s warm form against his.

It was a messy, hungry kiss. It wasn’t how Teddy’d imagined their first kiss would be, at the end of a date, demure and tender on Billy’s stoop. It was _better_. It was lips and tongues and teeth nibbling and hot breath panting and hands groping at backs and fingers tangling in hair and sighs and moans and six weeks worth of pent up feelings and unspoken desires. It was crashing fireworks and swooping butterflies and _yes_ and _right_ and _finally_. And then when Billy broke back with a gasp, Teddy wound their hands together tightly and kissed each of Billy’s fingers softly, trying to put all the words he didn’t know how to say into those kisses.

Billy looked at their hands for a long time, and Teddy looked at Billy, and then after a few moments he found he desperately needed to shift around, because he was _hard_ , like, uncomfortably hard, way past his usual Billy-induced semi. He tried to think of something unpleasant, like Huntzberger’s mismatching toupee, and then Billy looked at him, and he found it quite impossible to think about anything at all.

\--

Billy remembers their first kiss a little differently.

He remembers being halfway in love with Teddy after their first conversation, and more or less all the way there a couple weeks in. He remembers Kate and Cassie rolling their eyes at him for the hundredth time when he insisted that he and Teddy were _just friends_. He remembers deciding to kiss Teddy, to just fucking _do_ it, not only because he desperately wanted to, but because Billy has a habit of self-sabotaging, and it was almost too tempting to throw himself at Teddy despite any reservations he had about getting shot down. He remembers being on the brink of action for days, weeks even, and chickening out at the last second every damn time.

Being around Teddy was like being high, almost. He was so full of energy, so full of reckless desire and adrenaline; he’d always walk away with dark stains under his arms and collapse onto his bed in a pile of tired limbs as soon as he got home. It was hard work, but he loved it. He got insanely good at video games around Teddy, probably because he was so amped on whatever drugs he was breathing in whenever he was sitting next to the blonde boy. The day he finally got his shit together about Teddy, he’d been kicking so much ass at C.O.D. he felt like he could do just about anything.

So when he leaned over and kissed Teddy, just lips on lips, nothing fancy or anything, it was largely on impulse and he still maintains that his body acted without any form of permission from his brain. And he’ll never forget the look he saw on Teddy’s face when he opened his eyes. It was plain shock. If there was any relief or reciprocation there, Billy’d missed it, and it was like getting slapped. And then punched. And then run over with a car. _I’m never leaving my house again_ , had been his first thought as he leapt away from Teddy and made to book it out the door. His second thought had been, _Actually, I’m moving to Alaska and never coming back_. 

But then Teddy had pulled him back and kissed him, and _god_ , what a fucking kiss that’d been. Somewhere, a chorus of angels had surely been singing, or a chorus of demons, perhaps, depending on your religion’s take on a dude kissing another dude. Billy’d found himself wrapped around the other boy before he even knew what was happening, and honestly, to this day, it ranks only below meeting Julie Andrews on a plane as the best memory of his whole life.

\--

“ _Billy_ ,” Teddy finally said, his voice shaking. “Billy, I – wow. Holy shit.”

Billy was panting. “Um.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

Then they both burst out laughing.

“You’re _gay_ ,” Billy managed to say at last, which only made Teddy laugh harder.

“’Course I am, you dolt.” 

“I didn’t – well, you never _told_ me.” That was weak, and Billy knew it, but he still felt somewhat indignant. Yeah, he’d known, okay, his gaydar was decently sharp, and he’d also known, deep down, that Teddy liked him. Or that Teddy was at least acting as though he liked him. But convictions don’t thrive in Billy’s brain, in fact, they go there to die. So for every thought that Billy had along the lines of _Teddy’s flirting with me_ , he’d had a dozen more thoughts that came up with every alternate explanation for Teddy’s behavior, from a cruel, endless prank to an alien abduction. He tried to explain this to Teddy’s incredulous expression.

Teddy nodded seriously. “Well, I mean, obviously it’s more likely that I’d have been hijacked by alien mind control than, I don’t know, just _into you_.”

“That was pretty much my thought process.”

Teddy kissed his fingers again, and he shivered. “You’re certifiable. I hope you know that.”

“I’ve been made aware, yeah.” He squeezed Teddy’s hand in his. “Benefits of having a psychologist for a mom. Free diagnoses.”

Teddy rolled his eyes and laughed. “Come here.”

They bumped noses and Billy grinned. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

Teddy kissed the corner of his mouth and murmured, “Believe it.”

\--

From there, things just sort of fell into place. School was the same, and class was the same, and they still hung out every day, only now they’d go to Teddy’s more often, because his mother wasn’t usually home, whereas Billy’s mom would poke her head in the room every five minutes to ask them something. It was this habit of hers that made Teddy almost positive Rebecca knew her son was gay, although Billy insisted otherwise.

It took Kate and Cassie a surprisingly long time to figure it out. Eli was the first one to say something about it at lunch. Teddy had started hooking his arm behind Billy when they sat outside, not touching him, but sort of casting a protective shadow. It wasn’t a conscious decision on his part, but one day Billy leaned into him, and Eli said, “So, are you guys like, dating now?”

And Teddy said, “Yes,” again without really thinking about it. It just seemed obvious. He cast an apologetic glance at Billy, who just smiled bigger than anything. “Oh?”

Teddy shrugged sheepishly. “That cool with you?”

Billy nuzzled against Teddy’s arm, making Eli’s eyebrows shoot up. “Extremely.”

“Oh my god, _finally_!” Kate cried. She clapped her hands and beamed at them. “Took you two idiots long enough.”

Teddy let his hand fall to Billy’s shoulder. “You’re telling us.”

 _Us_. That word rang in Teddy’s ears for a long time after he said it, and it was true. He felt like he’d discovered something very important about himself, and that something was Billy. Whether they were pulling each other’s clothes off on the old couch in Teddy’s basement or poring over the latest issue of _The Invincible Iron Man_ in the park, or throwing french fries at each other outside the cafeteria at school, or running from the subway through the rain to Billy’s building, stopping to duck into the side alley and kiss against the wall, grinding against each other until they were both soaked to the skin and their lips were swollen and bruised, it was just _him_ and _Billy_ , and nothing else seemed to matter.

There were occasions when real life tried to butt in. Kessler and some of Teddy’s former friends cornered them on the street outside school one day, leering and cracking their knuckles in what Teddy supposed they thought was a menacing way. “’Sup, faggots?” Kessler sneered.

Billy tensed next to him, and Teddy went straight into what would later be referred to as Crazy-Overprotective-Boyfriend Mode. “Been a while, John,” he said slowly, preparing himself to slug the asshole across his smirking face. “Still got a razor-sharp wit, I see.”

Kessler shrugged. “Still got a mean swing, too.”

“Yeah? That why you need four guys backing you to come at me?”

His face darkened. “Shut the fuck up, Altman. I could take you.”

Teddy just laughed. “Yeah, whatever buddy, I’d like to see you _try_.”

A couple of the guys shifted uncomfortably, and Kessler licked his lips and glanced back at them in irritation. He made a motion towards Billy, and Teddy came between them at once, and whatever the other guys had seen on his face, it must’ve terrified them, because they all shrank back immediately. Even Kessler took a backwards step.

“Let’s just get one thing clear: if you _ever_ come near my boyfriend,” Teddy growled, “I will rip your fucking legs off.” 

He thinks he might’ve actually meant it. At any rate, those guys didn’t mess with him much after that.

\--

Billy felt a lot braver after Teddy called him his boyfriend in front of Kessler. Not just because Teddy was protecting him, although that made him feel embarrassingly warm and mushy inside, but because it felt like a sort of final definition. Teddy wasn’t afraid to say what they were, so why should he be? And Teddy, god bless him, Teddy knew that Billy _hated_ giving his parents any insight into his personal life, because they would just take it and run. It was almost a matter of principle. Billy wasn’t afraid of being cast out for being gay, but it would give his mother something to analyze, and, well, Billy was a teenage boy. It was pretty much that simple. So Teddy didn’t push him to break the news to them, “although,” he said, “if we ever get married or something, you’ll probably have to tell them.”

Billy kissed him as hard as he’d ever done for that. “I think – I think I love you,” he said in a rush, trying not to regret the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

Teddy just groaned. “Fuck! I can’t believe you beat me to that one, too. I suck.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, I love you too.” He shook his head and grinned. “Duh. I’m totally in love with you, Billy.”

“Seriously?” Billy squeaked. He clapped his hand over his mouth. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I just made that noise,” he said through his fingers.

Teddy brushed his hair aside to drop a kiss on his ear. “I love you for all those weird little noises you make.”

Billy turned and burrowed into his boyfriend’s chest. “Why else?”

Teddy laughed deeply. “You want a list? Any particular order?”

“Whatever you feel is best,” Billy mumbled, his voice muffled by Teddy’s shirt. He felt another kiss on his hair and smiled to himself.

“William Mosley Kaplan – ”

“Nope. Start over.”

More laughter. “You’re impossible.” 

“Is that on the list?”

“Yes.” Teddy’s arms circled him and he pressed his chin down on the top of Billy’s head. “You’re a nutcase. And you’re paranoid. And you’re adorable. And sexy, and funny, and too damn smart for your own good.”

“Go on.”

He felt Teddy sigh heavily. “You’re just – you’re _Billy_. You’re my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without you.” He sounded serious, and Billy lifted his head to see his expression. He searched Teddy’s blue eyes for any traces of sarcasm, and when he didn’t find any, he pressed a soft kiss to Teddy’s lower lip and ran a light finger down his cascade of earrings.

“I love you, Ted.”

“I love you too,” Teddy whispered, and then kissed him back earnestly.

“So,” he said, stroking Billy’s face as they separated for air, “does this mean you’re gonna talk to your parents?”

Billy groaned. “Do I have to?”

“No, of course you don’t _have_ to.” He narrowed his eyes at Teddy, who was definitely pouting now.

“ _Fine_. Fine. Let’s just get it over with.”

Teddy pulled back and side-eyed him disbelievingly. “You want to go do it _now_?”

Billy shrugged. “Might as well.”

 

They both hesitated at Billy’s door, holding each other’s gaze in unspoken support. “You can do this, Bill. Worst case scenario, you can just move in with me. My mom loves you.”

Billy took a deep breath. It was all very well for Teddy, who kept basically no secrets from his mom. But Billy didn’t have that kind of relationship with his parents (thank god), and this would be about as personal as he ever got with them. If they didn’t blow their lids, they’d probably be thrilled he actually confided in them about his life. He didn't know which was worse.

“No, I think this is a bad idea. I don’t want to tell them – ” Billy realized too late that his mother was standing well within earshot of the front door as he swung it open.

“Teddy! So nice to see you,” she beamed. Then she turned to Billy. “Tell us what, dear?”

“Um…”

His mom didn’t even blink.

“Well…”

Teddy nudged him gently. His father had now come out of the kitchen and was wiping his hands on his apron. “What’s going on?”

“Billy’s about to tell us something,” his mother said matter-of-factly.

“The thing is…ah, there’s something I have to, well, something you should know,” Billy sighed, feeling a heavy weight sink in his stomach as his mother’s face tightened. “About me. And I don’t want you to freak out, because it’s not gonna change, and you might not like it, but – ” Teddy took his hand and squeezed. “ – the truth is, I’m – I’m gay.”

“Oh, honey!” Billy looked up in alarm to see his mother’s eyes fill with tears. “It’s okay! We already know. And we’re _so proud_ that you finally decided to tell us!”

“Well, I didn’t know,” his father chimed in brightly. “Your mother had to tell me.”

Billy stared at his parents. “You – you _knew_?”

“Well of course! You’re not exactly subtle about it,” Rebecca said kindly. “But we want you to know that we love you no matter what, and that we absolutely _adore_ Teddy.” She stepped forward and clasped Teddy's arm approvingly, before apparently giving into some kind of maternal instinct and pulling them both into a crushing embrace. “Oh, I’m so happy! Welcome to the family, Teddy!”

Billy saw his father wringing Teddy’s hand over his mother’s shoulder. “We’re having breakfast for dinner tonight! It’s a Kaplan family tradition. You’ll stay, won’t you? How do you like your eggs?”

“Mom! Dad! Can’t – breathe!” Billy gasped, swatting his father’s hand away from Teddy. “Come on!”

His mother wiped her eyes and patted him on either side of his face, and he tried not to die from embarrassment. “Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for telling us.”

“Yeah, well, sure,” he mumbled. “Let’s not make a thing of it.”

“Of course, this means no more closing the door when Teddy’s in your room,” she added.

“What?! But – ”

“No buts. That’s the rule in this house, Billy. You know that.” She gave Teddy another affectionate squeeze and then disappeared into the kitchen.

Billy groaned and slumped against the door. “Why did you talk me into doing this, exactly?”

Teddy traced his hip lightly with one finger and smiled. “I think it went pretty great.”

“You say that now, but just wait. Now that you’re welcomed into the family, there’s no escaping.”

But Teddy just kissed him on the tip of his nose and said, “Like I said. Pretty freaking great.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long! My life got consumed by work and life-things, but the last two chapters will definitely be up sooner!

This is the story of how Billy and Teddy lost their virginities to each other.

It’s not a story with candles, or a cheesy playlist chock full of John Legend or Massive Attack or whatever the fuck high school kids put on these days before they shed their clothing and tangle clumsily together in the dark.

It’s not a story with any planning either. Every attempt at planning had ended in an interruption, or a close call, or both of them becoming so overwhelmed with desire they’d made the snap decision to just jerk each other quick, Teddy’s sure hand bringing Billy over the edge in no time at all, leaving them slumped against each other, spent and fuzzy around the edges.

It doesn’t start the way most First Time stories go, with a long drive outside the city and a cramped backseat and a dim radio, or a hotel room after the Prom, or a bedroom window left cracked open after everyone else has turned in for the night.

It starts with Billy’s little brother Ben coming home from Kindergarten with a note from the principal. They were all in the kitchen – “they” being Billy, Teddy, Billy’s parents, Ben, and Billy’s other little brother, Jordan. Rebecca was reading the note from Ben’s principal with a deepening crease in her brow, the line of her mouth growing thinner and thinner as she read.

Some weeks ago, Billy would’ve been embarrassed for Teddy to see his family having one of their little overblown dramas, but Teddy was used to it now, and what’s more, his presence seemed to actually help. There was something calming about him, a steadiness and stillness that eluded the Kaplans at the baseline of their DNA. Billy’s family was decidedly high-strung, and Teddy had become the rock that stood in the kitchen and kept everyone from getting carried away.

“Benjamin,” his mother said after a moment. “Why did you hit your classmate over the head with a book?” Billy and Teddy looked at each other, eyebrows raised. _What_?

The dark-haired six year old looked at the floor, his small hands balled into fists. “Because,” he whispered.

“Ben.” Billy knelt down beside his brother and put a hand on his shoulder gently. “What happened, buddy?”

Ben looked up at him with huge eyes. “Austin said a bad thing about you.” His voice was barely audible. “He said you’re bad and that you’re going to – ” he glanced nervously up at their frowning parents and then leaned in closer to Billy, lowering his voice even more, “ – to _heck_.” Then he pulled back and gave Billy a meaningful look.

“A freaking six year old told you I’m going to _hell_?” Billy didn’t mean to shout it, and his poor brother froze on the spot when he uttered the dreaded H-word.

Ben looked like he was either about to pee his pants or start crying. Possibly both. “He said you’re bad, so I hit him.”

For once, Rebecca and Jeff Kaplan were both speechless.

It was Teddy who leaned down and picked Ben up, and Teddy was big enough and Ben was small enough in his misery that it didn’t even look weird. It was Teddy who patted his back affectionately and then turned him to face Billy again, speaking in the soothing but firm tone he used when he was making everyone pay attention to him. “Listen up, Ben,” he said. “Austin is _wrong_. Your brother is not bad, and he’s not going anywhere bad either.”

Ben kept his glassy eyes fixed on Billy’s face.

“Sometimes…sometimes people say mean things, about you, or your family, and it’s okay to be mad, but…well, it’s not okay to hit them, yeah?”

Billy’s mom seemed to regain the ability to speak. “That’s right. Thank you, Teddy.” Her voice was warm with gratitude. “Ben, sweetie, let’s go upstairs to Mommy’s office and talk about this some more.” Teddy dislodged Ben’s little arms from around his neck, and pretended to drop him, making Ben shriek with laughter as his feet touched the floor.

Billy waited until his parents had disappeared with Ben before throwing his arms around his boyfriend and burying his head in his chest. “God, I love you,” he mumbled, his mouth full of Teddy’s shirt. “I can’t believe this sh – um, stuff,” he amended quickly, spotting eight year old Jordan lurking around the corner of their kitchen island.

Jordan grinned cheekily. “I know what you were _about_ to say,” he announced proudly.

“That’s nice, Jordan.”

“Did Austin say that to Ben because you like boys instead of girls?”

Billy started to explain, or try anyways, but Teddy cut in. “ _No_ , Austin said that to Ben because he doesn’t know any better, and he’s obviously got some really stupid adults in his life.”

Jordan looked impressed by Teddy’s vehement tone. He shot an approving glance at his older brother, and Billy felt those familiar Teddy-butterflies swoop through him with overwhelming force. He fought the urge to climb all over Teddy and waited for Jordan to continue. “But, that’s why they don’t like you? Right?”

“Do you think that’s a good reason not to like someone?” Teddy countered.

Jordan looked thoughtful. “Well, Captain America said that people can love whoever they want to.”

Teddy looked confused for half a second, but then nodded solemnly. “That’s right.” Billy bit back a laugh and made a mental note to tell Teddy about the Cap cosplayer they’d seen at last year’s Pride parade.

Jordan opened his mouth like he was about to ask something else, but then Jeff popped his head into the kitchen and said, “Hey, the Etseksons just invited us to go see that new Pixar movie with them. Everyone good to leave in five?”

“Awesome!” Jordan’s face lit up and he immediately dashed to the coat closet. Billy’s father looked at the two teenage boys expectantly.

“Well?”

Teddy grinned that easy grin of his and nudged Billy’s shoulder. It wasn’t a particularly intimate touch, but it did something to Billy; made something click into place inside of him, and he was suddenly more full of resolve than he’d maybe ever been. And before he could change his mind, he was saying, “Actually, Dad, we’ve got tons of homework; I think we should probably sit this one out. Huntzberger assigned like half a book to be read by tomorrow.” Which was _technically_ true, except that he left out the part about the “book” being a novella which was only 80 pages long. He felt Teddy shift in surprise next to him, but the blonde boy’s face betrayed nothing.

Jeff frowned, and Billy held his breath. _Just go_ , he begged silently. _Just go and let us stay here. Alone_. He felt a flush creep up his neck at the thought. _Please_. 

“All right. You two hit the books. We’ll just be gone a couple hours.” He smiled at them and then disappeared around the corner again, leaving them to stare at each other in disbelief and wonder.

\--

Teddy thought about having sex with Billy a _lot_. Like. At least half the times he looked at Billy, his mind went there. No matter what the situation was. They could be in class, having dinner with Billy’s parents, in public, anywhere, and he’d be imagining Billy naked, writhing and sweaty underneath him, whispering his name. He’d think about Billy’s hands, Billy’s mouth, Billy’s ass parked in his lap, driving into it – he imagined the noises Billy would make, the way his body would shudder as Teddy pounded him. He’d think about the way Billy’s face scrunched up when he came, nostrils flared and shallow exhales forcing their way through his gritted teeth. It was one of the hottest images Teddy had ever been privy to, and especially since they’d taken a more active role in getting each other off, it occupied his thoughts even when he didn’t particularly want it to. _Especially_ when he didn’t want it to. Like when he was standing in the kitchen with Billy’s parents and little brothers, or when Billy’s dad suggested they all go see a freaking Pixar movie together, Teddy felt Billy next to him; felt the vibes Billy was putting off of _love_ and _want_ and suddenly, _need_. He felt it right before Billy told his dad they wanted to stay behind, and it consumed him when Billy’s dad nodded his agreement and left them alone.

Billy turned to stare at him with wide eyes as the front door clicked shut, leaving them alone – _alone_ , really truly, just the two of them and an empty house for _hours_. “I can’t believe that worked.”

Teddy thought an appropriate reaction would be to laugh, or ruffle his boyfriend’s hair, or give him a tender kiss on the forehead, or even a flirty bump of his hips against Billy’s, but instead he found himself pressing Billy against the counter and kissing him as hard as he dared. Billy’s arms flailed for a moment in surprise, but then his hands went to Teddy’s shoulders and he pushed his tongue into Teddy’s mouth, licking into him hungrily. Their bodies struggled against each other for a few moments before Teddy reached down and grabbed Billy under his thighs, lifting him up to sit on the counter, letting Billy’s legs wrap around him and hug them closer still. He twisted Billy’s shirt in his right hand and Billy’s hair in the other. It was _hot_ , so hot feeling that slim frame responding under his touch, and just when Teddy was about to rip his boyfriend’s pants off, Billy pushed him back. “Wait,” he said breathlessly.

Teddy gaped at him, his hand frozen, hovering over his own dick, which was straining uncomfortably at the front of his jeans.

Billy looked up at him through long lashes, and when he spoke again, his voice had taken on a husky quality that made Teddy’s erection jump. “Should we – do you want to go upstairs?”

Something about the way he said it made Teddy think he meant _more_ , more than just “go upstairs”, more than just the implication that once they were there, they’d get each other off with hands and mouths in all the ways they were accustomed to doing. He pressed his palms into Billy’s thighs. “Do you mean…”

Billy’s lips turned up in a sheepish smile. “I just thought – since my parents are gone, and they won’t be coming back for a couple hours – we don’t have to, but god, Teddy, I want you so bad – I want to _be_ with you, I want you to – ” he stopped and blushed so deeply that Teddy came undone a little more, and leaned forward to growl against Billy’s throat, sucking on a spot just under Billy’s ear that he knew would elicit the gasp he was looking for. 

“You want me to what, Bill?” he murmured against the thin stubble along Billy’s chin. _Please_ , he thought, and his dick twitched again.

Billy’s voice shook. “I want you to fuck me, Ted.”

It was all he could do to stop from ripping off both their clothes and starting in on Billy right there on the countertop. He jolted himself backwards, keeping Billy off his feet and wrapped around him, and carried on hugging him and kissing him possessively all the way to the base of the stairs, at which point Billy insisted Teddy put him down. “I’m not a fucking bride, Teddy. You’re not gonna carry me across the threshold.”

Teddy grinned down at him. “Not today, anyways.”

Billy laughed. “No, not today.”

“You go up first so I can catch you if you fall. Not taking any chances with you right now,” Teddy warned.

Billy nodded, but turned and gave Teddy a mischievous look as he started to climb the stairs. “You just want to check out my ass, don’t you?”

Teddy shrugged. “And?”

When they got to Billy’s room, Teddy was struck again by how completely alone they were. They had time; they could do this right. He swallowed hard and sent a stern mental warning to his hard-on. _Pump the brakes, Ted. Don’t rush it_.

Billy seemed to be having his exact thought, because he took a steadying breath at the same time as Teddy, and sat gingerly down on the edge of his bed. “Teddy.”

Teddy looked up from unfastening his belt and met Billy’s eyes, dark and shining and _still_ taking his breath away, even though after four months of gazing into them, he thought he really should’ve been immune. He took two heavy steps towards Billy, stopping to stand between Billy’s legs, focusing on the way Billy’s mop of hair was somehow still falling in front of his eyes, even with his chin tilted up to look at Teddy.

“I love you.”

His heart squeezed in his chest. “God, Billy, I love you so much.”

They stared at each other for several seconds, a dull ringing slowly filling Teddy’s ears as they did, and then Billy reached out to grasp the edge of his half-undone belt and said, “Come here.”

And Teddy did.

 

They undressed each other quietly, carefully, Teddy pausing to worship every part of Billy’s body as it became exposed to him. He ran his tongue over the planes of Billy’s stomach and kissed behind Billy’s knees and dragged his teeth lightly over Billy’s hipbones, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. Billy groaned and seized a handful of Teddy’s hair as he ghosted his fingers over his boyfriend’s cock, just as hard as his own, and already slick at the top with pre-come.

“Don’t touch me,” Billy gasped. “I’ll lose it if you do, Teddy. Just – just get the lube.” Teddy had to struggle not to touch himself at that point, because just Billy saying the word _lube_ was so goddamn sexy it was unfair. He dug his fingers into his thigh and flopped across the bed, reaching into his backpack and fishing around. Billy was afraid to keep it in his room, and so was Teddy, so they’d agreed to keep it in Teddy’s school bag, where it stayed safely hidden under a pile of old homework assignments and comics.

“Got it.” He sat up and moved back between Billy’s legs drizzling some of the clear liquid into his palm and slicking it over himself, closing his eyes reflexively. This was _happening. Keep it together, Ted_.

Billy let out a small whimper, and Teddy cracked an eye open to grin at him. “See something you like?”

Billy’s jaw clenched, and he nodded tightly. “I want you inside me, Teddy. I want all of you – oh, my god, I sound like a fucking twink in a porno, but god _damnit_ I want you so fucking bad Teddy just _please_ – ”

Teddy kissed him. When he broke away, Billy followed him, pushing himself up on his elbows and gazing at Teddy with more trust in his eyes than Teddy thought he could ever be worthy of. He pressed a lubed finger into his boyfriend and held his breath, felt Billy’s body tighten at the unfamiliar sensation. He slid in up to the knuckle and then met Billy’s eyes. “Is that okay?”

“That’s – yeah, keep going, keep going,” Billy said, and it was clear he’d been holding his breath too.

Teddy twisted his palm around and slid in a second finger, crooking them slightly and pressing all around, trying to be gentle and firm at the same time. Billy’s eyes closed again. “ _Oh_ ,” he said, his voice cracking. “Oh. That’s good, Ted. That’s – _holy_ – jesus fucking christ, do that again.”

Teddy slid his fingers in deeper and crooked them again, feeling Billy’s body stretch and give to him, watching his abs tighten as he choked out another gasp. "Oh my _god_ why haven’t we been doing this all along,” he mumbled.

Teddy felt like he might explode all over himself from the sight of Billy coming so gorgeously undone at his touch, so he faltered his movements for a moment, only to feel Billy buck against him, which just about sent him over the edge. “Don’t stop,” Billy whined. “Please, fuck, don’t – ”

“Billy, I – I can’t wait, I have to – ”

“Do it, Teddy. I want you so fucking bad, just do it, just do me, Teddy - ”

Another generous application of lube, and Teddy was pushing in. And it was – well, there were no words, at the time, Teddy’s pretty sure he saw stars or lightning or possibly his life flashing before his eyes, because Billy’s hands and Billy’s mouth were amazing, but being _inside_ Billy, feeling that hot, tight pressure all around, watching himself disappear into Billy’s ass, feeling Billy’s body arch against him and hitting every damn nerve he possessed – well, there was nothing else like it.

Billy was gripping his forearms with white knuckles, and concern for his boyfriend battled with his desperate desire to go deeper. “Is it – are you okay?”

Billy nodded. “Uh-huh. Yeah. It’s okay. Keep going.”

Teddy pushed a little further and brought his palm down to cup Billy’s ass. “Tell me, Bill. Tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“You’re fine, babe, I swear. I just need to get used to it.” His eyes opened as he felt Teddy falter. “Don’t you dare stop, Ted.”

Teddy groaned and his hips trembled with the urge to thrust harder. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly.

“If you stop right now, I will literally kill you and then myself. Don’t fucking stop. I’m fine.”

“Billy – ”

A sweaty palm covered his mouth, and he met Billy’s eyes. “I want this,” Billy whispered.

Teddy nodded, and Billy dropped his hand. “Now fuck me like you mean it.”

Teddy bit back a grin and slid a little ways out. “God you’re bossy.” Then he pushed in deeper, and Billy’s hips jerked in his hands as they both cried out.

\--

“Billy, fuck, _Billy_ , you feel so fucking good, I’m not gonna – ” Teddy was gasping and grunting over him, thrusting in and out in a steady rhythm that had Billy’s nerves singing, “ – _last_.”

“That’s okay, I want you to come. I want you to come in me, Teddy.” He dragged his nails over his boyfriend’s shoulders and tried to relax more. It felt – well, it felt a little weird, and there was a sense of _too much_ , too much heat, too much pressure, but it was still _good_. It was good because it was Teddy, and it was good because it was both of them, meant to be; meant to fit together like this. And it was good because when Teddy went just deep enough, at just the right angle, it was too much in a different way, in a _really, really fucking amazing_ way. Coupled with the not-enough sensation of his cock jumping against his stomach, it was pushing Billy to the point of no return. He could tell Teddy was getting there too, from the way he was trembling and sucking in shallow breaths.

“I think I’m gonna – oh, fuck, Billy, I’m gonna come.”

“Touch me,” Billy demanded. “I’m so close, I’m almost – _there_.” The word left him in a moan as Teddy’s hand dutifully wrapped around him, jacking him once, twice, three times, thumb dragging under the head in the way Teddy knew always turned Billy’s brains to mush, and then Billy shot all over his chest and stomach with a guttural cry, and he knew Teddy was spent too when he collapsed down on top of him, and he felt Teddy contracting inside him as all the energy flowed out of his body.

“Can’t – breathe – ”

“Sorry,” Teddy mumbled, and he seemed to use all his leftover strength to slide carefully out of Billy and then roll over into a heap next to him.

They stayed silent, letting their breathing get back to normal, pressed together in a mostly comfortable way, except that Billy started to notice that his ass was sticking to Teddy’s thigh with a mixture of sweat and come that was starting to dry, and that was sort of hot and gross at the same time.

As always, Teddy’s mind was one step ahead of his. “We’ve still got time,” he murmured against Billy’s temple. “Wanna get in the shower?”

“Want,” Billy agreed. “But…moving.”

Teddy laughed deeply and kissed his hair. “I love you.” He dragged them both into a sitting position. “How do you still look unbelievably hot?”

Billy grinned and ran a finger down Teddy’s earrings, feeling his heart thud unevenly at the small shudder of pleasure it induced in his boyfriend. “Speak for yourself.”

Teddy leaned in for a slow, deep kiss. “Come on, stud, let’s get cleaned up.” They’d never showered together at Billy’s; only at Teddy’s, and only once because the shower was a tiny stand-up box that Teddy had a hard enough time fitting in by himself. By contrast, Billy’s bathroom had the largest bathtub-shower of the three bathrooms in their apartment. He’d often thought about what it would be like to have Teddy in there with him, often in fact jerked off in the shower thinking about it.

As always, reality turned out to be so much _better_ than he could’ve imagined.

\--

After their shower, and after Teddy sucking Billy and jacking himself under the warm water, because he could only be naked around Billy for so long before he was ready to go again, they’d somehow managed to fall into their proper clothes and get out their homework before promptly passing out. Teddy heard voices outside the door and stirred, but didn’t open his eyes or get up. He was snugly tucked under Billy’s arm, one hand covering Billy’s at his shoulder, and the other sandwiched between the pages of his book. Billy’s chin was pressed into his hair and Teddy could tell he was still asleep from the steady breaths that tickled his scalp.

“Would you look at that,” Rebecca Kaplan’s voice echoed from the hall.

“Gross!” Teddy smiled at Jordan’s horrified cry. “My eyes!”

Billy’s mom shushed him. “Go wash up for dinner, sweetheart.”

There was silence for a little while, and Teddy almost drifted off again, but then he heard more voices; quieter, and found himself straining to make them out.

“Should we wake them?” Jeff, and the smell that accompanied his arrival told Teddy he’d been baking.

“No, let’s let them rest. Those poor boys. That teacher of theirs works them so hard,” Rebecca whispered, and Teddy bit down hard on his lip to keep from laughing.

There was the sound of a quick kiss, and then Rebecca said, “We got awfully lucky, didn’t we?”

“With Billy, you mean?”

“Well, of course with Billy, with all our boys, but I meant with Teddy.”

“Oh. No kidding,” Jeff agreed. “Can’t be many out there like him.”

“We must’ve done something right. He could’ve run off with someone from the Internet, or one of those ravers you read about.”

Jeff hummed softly. “I think we can credit our stellar example.”

Their voices trailed off, and Teddy nuzzled deeper into the warmth of Billy’s side and let sleep take him again. 

He remembers that day, almost a year ago now, as if it were yesterday. Everything, from losing his virginity, to letting Billy wash his hair and getting soap in his eyes, to waking up with Billy to the smell of enchiladas, to walking hand in hand to the subway, making promises and sharing secrets; in some kind of drunken haze off love and food and sex. It was probably the best day of Teddy’s life. He scrubs at his eyes again – this whole reliving of his and Billy’s “greatest hits” isn’t doing much good. Not that he can stop, exactly, because how do you stop thinking about somebody like Billy? It’s impossible. He’s not really sure he wants to stop, even though it’s painful.

Then a wave of guilt crashes over him, because he remembers one of the promises he made to Billy that day was that he’d never leave him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took me forever to write because sads :'( also its significantly longer than the rest, so, sorry about that.

It’s been two days exactly since he and Billy ended things, and Teddy hasn’t slept much, but when he finally does, he wakes up with a renewed sense of clarity. He takes a shower, puts on new clothes, runs to the drugstore for his mom, shoots hoops with Eli, and even attempts to cook dinner. It’s not what he’d call a rousing success, but he chokes as much of it down as he can before giving up and ordering pizza instead.

He thinks about going down to the comic book store, but he doesn’t. 

He thinks about a lot of things.

Mostly, he thinks about Billy.

 _How did this happen_?

It’s not like one day they just woke up and didn’t love each other anymore. In fact, Teddy can’t lie to himself, he still loves Billy as much as he ever did. He’d give anything to make it right. And maybe he can. If he figures out where it all went wrong, if he can find a way to just undo it, maybe this is salvageable. What he and Billy have – _had_ , he reminds himself, and it’s like swallowing acid, was special, really, truly precious, like a once-in-a-lifetime kinda thing. Even Billy’s parents knew it. It’s the kind of love you don’t give up on, he thinks, and then there’s another sharp pang of guilt, because his next thought is that he might’ve been the one giving up.

Did _he_ do this?

 _How did this happen_?

It’s like putting together a puzzle, and the pieces are very hard to find. Two days ago, all he could think about were the bad parts of his relationship with Billy, an endless list of reasons why it just wasn’t working. But now, he can’t remember any of them. All he can think about are the good times, the curve of Billy’s jaw, the warm smell of him when he’s drowsy and folding in on himself, the way his body loosens under Teddy’s touch, like he’s just been waiting to get Teddy’s hands on him all day.

Past tense, Ted. Past tense.

\--

“ _Why_ ,” Kate asked incredulously, “would you _ever_ want to leave the city?” She exchanged a look with Eli. “I just – why? There’s plenty of good schools here. You don’t need to go to fucking California or whatever to get a decent education.”

Teddy shrugged helplessly, and Billy squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Because there are good schools all over? I don’t know, Kate. I haven’t decided anything yet. I just don’t think it’s fair to rule anything out at this point.”

They’d just started their senior year, after the best summer of Teddy’s life, and things were already way more stressful than he’d counted on. Everyone was talking about _college_ , and the _future_ , and it all had him pretty wigged. Billy’s parents were practically filling out applications for him, but Teddy’s mom didn’t know that much about college. Truth be told, Teddy hadn’t really considered going to college until he met Billy. Most of his friends from before looked at college as a gateway to the NFL, because they were fucking deluded, and Teddy’d never cared enough about football to whore himself out to the scouts like they did.

But then he’d met Billy, and Billy’s parents asked him about _his_ plans for the future often enough that he started to really think about them. And then one day, early on in the summer, he and Billy had taken Ben and Jordan to a Mets game, and Ben had insisted on sitting in Teddy’s lap, listening rapturously as Teddy patiently explained the game to him, helping him count out money for hot dogs and sodas, eventually falling asleep in Teddy’s arms as they made their way back to the subway. It’d been a perfect day, and Teddy had gone home that night and told his mom he wanted to be a teacher.

There were a couple schools he was looking at upstate; schools he and his mother had researched after she’d finished crying and hugging him. Billy knew about them, and was applying to those schools too, along with a dozen others all over the country.

“So, you guys are applying to _all_ the same schools?” Kate pressed on. She had that look about her, the one that meant she had an opinion coming on. Teddy could feel Billy tense next to him, and decided to shift the focus of the conversation.

“Not all, I mean, Billy’s grades are way better than mine. I don’t have a shot in hell at Cornell to be honest; I don’t even know why I applied. What about you, Eli? Where all are you applying?”

“Couple SUNYs, NYU, Columbia.” Eli ticked off his fingers as he listed them. “Hopefully I’ll be able to stay in the city.”

Kate waved a hand dismissively. “Babe, you already got that scholarship interview at Columbia, you’re as good as in.”

“A scholarship interview?” Billy echoed, and Teddy could hear the anxiety in his voice.

Eli nodded proudly. “The MLK Grant. It’s a full ride, plus law school if I want it.”

“Whoa. That’s awesome, man,” Teddy congratulated him. He waited for Billy to chime in, but the dark-haired boy just frowned at his shoes. 

“You okay?” he asked once Kate and Eli had taken off.

“Huh?” Billy looked up at him. “Oh – yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t stressing about school stuff again.”

Billy smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, maybe I am. A little.”

“Your parents still bugging you about a major?”

“Always,” he sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe pre-law?” He looked at his hands. “Could you see me as a lawyer?”

Teddy kissed his ear. “Yes, your honor.” He was pleased to see a genuine flush of happiness creep over Billy’s cheeks. “You’d be the sexiest lawyer ever. William Kaplan, Esquire.”

Billy snorted. “My grandparents’d be so proud.”

“ _I’d_ be proud,” Teddy told him quietly.

His boyfriend nuzzled into his shoulder and let out a heavy sigh. “Fuck, Teddy. I don’t know what I want to do.”

Teddy remembers being alarmed at the distress in Billy’s voice and the tension in his shoulders when he put his arm around him. He remembers saying, “Don’t worry about it, you’ll figure it out,” without really knowing what that meant. He remembers the little warning bell that went off, the bell he really ought to have listened to, but didn’t. Billy was trying to ask him something; something important, and he didn’t know what it was, so he left it alone.

 _That_ , he realizes now, is the moment when everything started to go wrong.

\--

Billy’d always had a pretty good relationship with his parents, but this whole college application thing was putting a real strain on it. It seemed like they never wanted to discuss anything else, constantly pressing him with questions and demanding answers faster than he was ready to give them. And that wasn’t even the worst part.

The worst part came when Teddy came over for dinner one Shabbat, and they unleashed the Kaplan Inquisition on _him_.

“So, Teddy, Billy tells us you’re applying to Syracuse and Cornell,” his mother began. Billy felt the blood drain from his face. “And he tells us you’re interested in education?”

Teddy shot Billy a somewhat accusatory look, and then replied, “Yeah, I think I want to be a teacher.”

She beamed at him. “That’s wonderful! Teaching is such a rewarding profession. Thankless, to be sure, but _rewarding_. Where else are you applying?”

Teddy swallowed. “Well – to be honest, I’m not totally sure yet.” He licked his lips nervously. “Maybe a couple schools in the Midwest?”

“Which schools?”

“Uh – I don’t really – ”

“Billy’s applied to Northwestern,” his father interrupted. “I think that’s it for the Midwest. Unless you count Swarthmore.”

“Dad,” Billy muttered.

“You know Teddy, I’ve got a colleague in the education department at Northwestern. I could make a call, if you’d like. See if I can’t get you an interview.” His mother pulled out her phone to make a note.

Teddy looked somewhat dazed. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks, Rebecca.”

“It’s no trouble at all. What about west coast schools? Billy’s applied to USC, Pomona…”

It went on like that for over an hour. Billy was practically shaking by the end of it, and Teddy was white as a sheet. He retreated to his room while Teddy helped with the dishes and sat in the dark, trying not to panic. It was stupid, he knew, to worry about his future with Teddy when he should really be focusing on his future in general. But every time he closed his eyes, he saw it all happening. He’d go to one school, Teddy’d go to another, and maybe they’d try to stay in touch, maybe they’d visit each other once or twice, but eventually, Teddy’d meet somebody. He’d meet somebody great, somebody with his same humongous heart and impossible good looks and carefree attitude, and he’d forget all about Billy. It was like, destiny or something, and Billy was sick over it.

“Hey.” A soft voice behind him snapped him back to reality, and then he was in the circle of Teddy’s arms. “I figured you’d be up here.”

“My room? Great deduction skills there, Sherlock,” Billy replied shakily.

Teddy held him tighter. “No, I mean _up here_.” He tapped Billy’s temple gently with a finger, and then pressed a kiss to it. “Tell me what’s going on, Bill.”

“I just…just freaking out about all this college stuff.” _I’m scared_.

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Everything’s just happening so fast, you know?” _I don’t want to lose you_.

Another kiss to his forehead. “I know, babe. It’s crazy. I hadn’t even heard of half those colleges your parents were talking about downstairs.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for this,” Billy blurted out suddenly. “How the hell am I supposed to know what I want to do with my _life_? I’m only seventeen! Who knows this kind of stuff at seventeen?”

“Hey, hey,” Teddy soothed him. “No one expects you to have that shit mapped out now.”

“I think there’s a couple of people downstairs that would beg to differ.”

“Your parents love you, Bill. They’re just trying to help. They don’t expect you to have it all figured out right now.”

Billy sighed. “I know. You’re right.”

“Damn straight I’m right. Come here.” Teddy pulled him into a soft kiss, and Billy didn’t know why he felt like he was losing him already, but he did, and he bunched his fists in Teddy’s shirt and tugged him closer and deepened the kiss, desperate not to let it end. Teddy responded dutifully like he always did, letting his fingers slide in Billy’s hair and sweeping his tongue over Billy’s bottom lip. “I love you,” he breathed.

Billy felt like crying. “I love you too,” he replied thickly. And then without meaning to, he asked, “Will you stay?”

Teddy pulled back. “Stay? Like, the night?”

He barreled on before he could stop himself. “I know my parents wouldn’t let you stay in here, but maybe if you slept on the pull-out couch, you could come back after they went to sleep, and we could just be together, or I could come down and sleep on the couch with you – ” he realized he was talking way too fast, and probably sounded crazy, “ – I just…I just need you, Teddy.”

“You’ve got me.” Teddy pulled his chin up to gaze down at him with shining blue eyes. “You’ll always have me, Billy. I’m not going anywhere.” He paused and rubbed the back of his neck. “If you want me to, I can call my mom and ask to stay the night. She’d probably be okay with it.”

Billy heard doubt in his boyfriend’s voice; whether it was actually there or not, he still doesn’t know. “No, it’s okay,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Billy.” Teddy was searching his face again, brows creased with concern. “I’ll stay if you want me to.”

“I’m fine.” The words came out flat, and for a moment, every fiber of him hoped Teddy would see right through him and insist on staying anyways.

Instead, Teddy nodded and stood up. “Okay. Well, call me if you need to, yeah? And I’ll see you tomorrow?”

He leaned in to kiss Billy goodbye, and Billy had to stop himself from pulling away. He couldn’t shake the feeling of rejection, which was ridiculous, he knew, but there it was, threatening to consume him the moment Teddy walked out the door.

Teddy paused and looked back at him, confusion still etched across his features. “I love you,” he said again, so softly Billy almost didn’t hear him.

“You too,” Billy whispered back, and then Teddy was gone, and Billy’d never felt so small in his life.

\--

Things only got worse after that. Teddy didn’t know _what_ was wrong with Billy, but he gave up asking after a few weeks in favor of acting like everything was normal, hoping that if he pretended hard enough, it finally would be. Shockingly, this didn’t turn out to be such a great strategy. Billy grew more distant, and Teddy got more stressed, and they’d find themselves snapping at each other for no reason. He finally finished his college applications and sent them all in, but he couldn’t even broach the subject with Billy without his boyfriend turning into a wall of silence.

It started to occur to him that maybe the reason Billy didn’t want to talk about the future was that _his_ future didn’t have Teddy in it. And the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Billy could be going to school in California, for crying out loud. He’d probably find some gorgeous model to sweep him off his feet out there; someone with big dreams and a bright future, someone that could give him everything he ever wanted. These thoughts made him sad at first, and then they made him downright furious. He suddenly wanted to punch every guy that even looked at Billy. And a few times, he could’ve sworn he saw Billy looking back – and then, when Billy blew him off two nights in a row, he finally lost his head.

“Are you cheating on me?” he demanded, half-regretting the words as they left his mouth, but too angry to stop.

There was a tense silence on Billy’s end of the phone. “ _What_?”

“It’s just that I haven’t seen you all weekend, and you barely respond to my texts anymore, and I’m starting to run out of alternate explanations here.”

“I’m not cheating on you.”

“Okay.”

More silence.

“Well, then, what the fuck is going on?”

He swore he could hear Billy setting his jaw through the phone. “You tell me, Teddy. Apparently you’ve got it all figured out.”

All _what_ figured out? Billy wasn’t making any sense at all. “Are you like, mad at me? Did I do something?”

He heard Billy laugh without humor. “Oh, sure. _Now_ you suddenly care.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’ve been fucking _drowning_ , Teddy. For weeks now. I really needed you.” His voice cracked. “And I know you’ve noticed; don’t try to tell me you didn’t. Damnit, Teddy, I’ve been waiting for you to fucking _notice_ me.”

Teddy’s mouth had fallen open. “Are you _kidding_ me? Billy, you’ve been straight up avoiding me! You never told me once you were having a hard time, I mean, you don’t even act like you want me around – ”

“I shouldn’t have to spell this shit out for you, Teddy! You’re my fucking boyfriend! Even fucking Eli’s been asking if I’m all right, and we all know how incredibly touchy-feely _he_ is.” 

“Oh, that is such bull. I’m sorry I haven’t made the time to play your fucking mind games, you know, I’ve been having a rough time too. All these college applications; you know, I could’ve used some support on that too.”

“Will you shut up about college?” Billy yelled, and Teddy was taken aback by the force in his tone. “I get it! You’ve got your ducks in a row! That’s fucking fantastic!”

“Seriously? _That’s_ what this is about?” He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “Billy, it’s not my fault you haven’t figured your shit out yet. I don’t know why you think you need to so bad, but maybe if you stopped feeling sorry for yourself for five fucking seconds and _talk to me_ , you might actually come up with something!”

“You don’t understand,” Billy said bitterly.

“No shit I don’t understand. You’re making it fucking impossible.”

There was a long silence, and then Billy said, “I have to go,” and hung up.

Teddy slumped down on the bench and hung his head in his hands. _That_ hadn’t gone exactly as planned. Admittedly, he’d known the moment he dialed Billy’s number that nothing good was going to come out of his mouth, but still, he hadn’t expected to be quite that harsh. 

_Shit_.

He ended up walking to the Grindhouse and waiting for Billy to show. They’d agreed a few months back that whenever they had a fight, they’d give it half an hour to cool off, and then they’d meet at the Grindhouse to talk it out. He was on his second cup of coffee when he got a text from Billy. 

_In the alley_.

He turned the corner and was opening his mouth to apologize when Billy silenced him with a fierce kiss and pushed him up against the wall. They groped at each other frantically and clumsily like they used to, mouths crashing together almost painfully. Teddy came in his pants, and so did Billy, and they both laughed when they realized it.

“God, I love you,” Teddy murmured against his boyfriend’s lips. “I’m so sorry, Billy.”

“It’s fine,” Billy breathed back. “I love you too, Teddy. More than anything.”

They kissed earnestly, and less than an hour later, they were fighting again.

\--

Billy stared at his phone screen, the only luminous thing in the cave-like dark of his room. He barely even opened the curtains anymore. He and Teddy’d liked to watch the dogs in the dog park across the street through his window. They’d even come up with names for a few of their favorites, like Meatball, the bull terrier who liked to pick up the water buckets in his teeth and run in circles, paying no heed to the dogs that tried to chase him. Or Rocky, the chubby pug who always wanted to wrestle with the big dogs. But they hadn’t watched the dogs together in a long time, and just hearing their happy barks was like a shock to his heart these days. So he kept the curtains closed.

He finally typed, _Sorry, left my phone downstairs_.

That was a lie. He’d been reading and re-reading Teddy’s texts since he got them hours ago. He was massively relieved his parents were busy with their wine group, because he was pretty sure he couldn’t have held a conversation with them about anything at the moment for all the dread that was threatening to swallow him whole.

 _We need to talk_.

And then, ten minutes later, _This isn’t working_.

And then, three minutes later, _I don’t know what else to do_.

He’d known it would come to this eventually. Hell, that’s probably why he was avoiding Teddy as much as he was. His instinct was to push, and never stop pushing until Teddy was far away, without him. Happy. _Happy_ , like he deserved to be, with somebody that would treat him better and love him more than Billy ever could. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Billy knew that no one could ever love Teddy the way he did, and even if they could, that Teddy wouldn’t want it. It was that small voice again, the voice he warned himself never to listen to. Not having Teddy around made it much easier to ignore. There was a grim satisfaction that settled deep inside him after every fight; an overpowering sensation of _yes, this is how it’s supposed to be. This is how it goes. People Always Leave_. There was so much _sense_ in that, so much order and predictability. Teddy was going to leave him, whether it was today, tomorrow, or a year from now after they’d discovered why long-distance relationships don’t work. It was better, he thought, to let the pieces fall now.

But looking at Teddy’s messages and reading the inevitability behind them felt different than all the times they’d fought. Teddy’d said things, and Teddy’d stormed out, and Teddy’d even broken down crying once, but they’d _never_ discussed breaking up. Billy imagined Teddy had to be thinking about it, had to have been kicking around the idea for some time now, but he was able to hold out hope that maybe Teddy really wouldn’t give up on him. They always ended up crawling back together, holding each other close and pretending things were okay, if only for a few minutes. 

“Billy?”

A small voice outside his door made him jump. Ben’s round face peered around the door, the collar of his Thomas the Train pajamas visible in the light streaming in from the hall. 

Billy wiped his eyes hastily. “Hey, buddy. Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

Ben shuffled over to his side and held out a scrap of ragged fabric. Billy recognized it as the remains of his brother’s baby blanket.

“I thought you might want Blankie,” his brother said quietly. “Because you’re sad.”

“Jesus, Ben,” he sniffled. “Thanks. That’s really – okay, yeah sure,” he relented as Ben thrust Blankie at him more forcefully. 

“Mom says you and Teddy will be okay.” Ben’s voice took on an air of authority. “She said when it’s time, you’ll make it all better.”

“Yeah, well.” Billy looked down at the tattered blue blanket in his hands. “Mom’s not always right.”

Ben crossed his arms and gave Billy a look that reminded him eerily of their mother. “Um, _yes_ , she is.”

Billy sighed. “Come here.” He gave his brother a quick cuddle and kissed the top of his head. “Thanks for Blankie, Ben. That was really…thoughtful of you.”

Ben nodded stoically. “You’re welcome.”

His phone buzzed suddenly, and he felt all the warmth leave his body as Teddy’s face showed up on the Caller ID. “Go back to bed, Ben.”

Ben craned his neck to look at his phone. “Is it Teddy?”

“Yeah, it is. Go back to bed.”

Ben grinned widely and ran to the door. “Make it better!” he shouted, and then Billy’s door was shut and he was in the dark again.

His mouth was so dry he almost couldn’t speak. “Hello?”

There was the crackling noise of the gravel outside Teddy’s house, and then he said, “Hey.”

Billy stared at his curtains, willing his eyes not to spill over again.

“So…listen. We really need to talk. I’m losing my mind over here, Bill.”

He still couldn’t speak.

“I just – I’m trying, okay? I really am. I don’t know what you want from me anymore. Nothing is helping, and I just…I’m tired.”

 _I’m tired too_ , he wanted to say. _I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I want is to be with you_. The words were there, fully formed, but he just…couldn’t.

“Are you there?”

He swallowed. “I’m here.”

Teddy sighed in exasperation. “Well?”

“I – I can’t.”

The crackling noise stopped abruptly. “You can’t what?”

“I can’t _do_ this right now, I – I have to go to sleep.”

“Billy, it’s not even nine o’clock.”

“I have to put Ben to sleep. He’s up; he shouldn’t be up. Please, I can’t do this right now.”

“All right. So, when?”

“When what?”

“When are you going to fucking _talk_ to me?” Teddy snapped. “Jesus, Billy, I shouldn’t have this much trouble getting my own goddamn _boyfriend_ on the goddamn phone!”

Billy squeezed his eyes shut. “Tomorrow, or something. Just not right now. I can’t handle this right now.”

“Billy, I wish you’d just – ”

“I have to go,” he said. He felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. It was too much, he _couldn’t_ lose Teddy, couldn’t lose the only person that made him feel like he was worth something. It was too late, and he couldn’t face it.

“Fine.” Teddy’s voice was hard, and Billy felt like throwing the phone across the room. “’Night.”

Billy kept the phone to his ear for several seconds after his boyfriend hung up.

The next day, Teddy put his fist through the wall.

It was over.


	6. Chapter 6

Billy thought school would be the hardest part, but it isn’t. Sure, Teddy’s there, but Teddy’s everywhere he looks, and at least at school there are distractions. Homework, incompetent substitute teachers, dumb jocks shoving each other in the locker room (looking like the opening scene of a low-budget porno, Teddy always said), and the school library with its limited selection of comics and graphic novels to flip through. He hasn’t been able to return to the shop next to the Grindhouse yet.

No, the hardest part is after school, when he has to go home alone. He sits in silence in his room and stares at the book he’s supposed to be reading, feeling nothing but Teddy’s absence all the way down to his bones. Loneliness presses in around him until he can’t breathe, and he tries to occupy himself by helping Jordan with a diorama, but even that doesn’t do much besides take the edge off. He knows his parents are worried from the way they look at him, and he’s got half a mind to turn into the time bomb they clearly expect him to be.

But he doesn’t. What would be the point?

On the fourth day since Teddy left, he eats lunch with Kate and Cassie. They do a decently good job catching him up on gossip, talking so fast he can barely focus on his own thoughts. Kate initially avoids talking about Eli, but he tells her its okay, and then she _gushes_ about how well Eli’s interview at Columbia went and the essay he wrote about his grandfather, a black general from WWII.

“That’s awesome,” he says, and he really does mean it.

Cassie and Nate are taking some time apart, she tells him, because he’s having yet another existential crisis. “Bummer,” he says, and he means that too.

It could almost be a normal day.

It’s not particularly funny when Kessler and his crew corner him after school, but he has to stop himself from laughing when he sees that ugly, satisfied sneer on Kessler’s face. Because _of course_. He’d actually completely forgotten about them; forgotten that they’d probably come for him once he wasn’t under Teddy’s protective wing anymore.

“Saw you checkin’ me out in gym,” Kessler drawls. “Figured I’d give you a closer look.”

Does Kessler really think he can _hurt_ Billy? Billy’s already torn apart. A split lip is laughable compared to what he’s been feeling for the last four days.

He sighs. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Kessler. Give me your best shot.”

“Yeah, John.” Another voice, a familiar voice that sets Billy on fire, calls from behind them. “Show us what you got.”

Kessler pauses to glower at Teddy. “Stick around, Altman, and I’ll show _you_ next.”

Teddy rolls his eyes. “Wow, so tempted. How about you just get the fuck out of here, and I don’t break your goddamn face.”

“C’mon, John,” one of the other guys mutters. “Fuck these fags; let’s bounce.”

Kessler leers at Billy and then shrugs, stepping back. “Whatever. I’ll see you in the locker room, queer-boy.”

“You okay?” Teddy asks once they’re gone. He’s avoiding Billy’s eyes, which Billy knows because he can’t stop staring at him.

“I could’ve handled them,” he says.

“I know. But it’s been a while since I got to threaten those assfaces with bodily harm, so. Hope you don’t mind.”

He’s a little stunned they’re even having this conversation. “No, it’s okay. Thanks, I mean.”

“Yeah, sure.” Teddy finally meets his eyes, and he feels the distance between them like a punch in the gut. _This is wrong_ , he thinks. _You should be here, standing next to me_. He thinks about reaching out; about telling Teddy he was wrong, that they can fix this, of course they can, because it’s _them_ , Billy and Teddy. They can do anything.

He’s still thinking about it when Teddy opens his mouth, closes it again, and then finally looks at his shoes and says, “Okay, well, I’ll see you around.”

Billy’s halfway home when it crashes over him. “You fucking idiot,” he swears at himself, and then he pulls out his phone and dials Teddy’s number as fast as he can.

\--

Teddy’s heart is aching as he walks away from Billy towards the subway station. He knows he’d been ready to go right into Crazy-Overprotective-Boyfriend Mode and smash the smirk right off Kessler’s meat-can of a face, but he _couldn’t_ , because Billy isn’t his fucking boyfriend anymore, and that's just another way everything about their situation is _wrong_. It’s gonna drive him crazy to keep thinking about it, so he pulls out his phone to call Eli about a pick-up game, and then the screen lights up with Billy’s face, and Teddy stops breathing.

He almost drops the phone in his hurry to answer it. “Billy – ”

“No, let me go first,” Billy's voice comes rushing through the phone, and Teddy's heart leaps because he finally sounds like _Billy_ , like the Billy Teddy knows inside and out, all impulse and feeling, tripping over his own words because he’s trying to voice a hundred competing thoughts at once. “Fuck, Teddy. I screwed up so bad, I know it – I shut you out, and I pushed you away, and I don’t even fucking know _why_ except that I guess I was scared, like I was so scared of losing you that I just went ahead and lost you, just to see if I could survive it? That doesn’t make any sense; I don’t know what I’m saying. I just freaked, and I messed it up, god I fucked it up so bad – ”

“I should’ve been there for you,” Teddy interrupts him. He’s not letting Billy take the fall for this. “I should’ve paid more attention, Billy, you were right, I did notice you were slipping, and I just didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything. And I got so _frustrated_ , god, I can’t believe I put a fucking hole in your wall – your parents must think I have a fucking rage problem, they probably don’t even want me in their house – but Billy, I swear, I didn’t mean any of that shit I said, _I_ screwed this up, not you – wait.” He stops to breathe, and to think. “You were scared of _losing_ me? Why? Because I swear, I never even _wanted_ to break up, I just…I suggested it because I didn’t know what else to do.”

There’s a muffled thudding sound from Billy’s end, like he just sat down. “It’s this whole college thing. You’re so – _amazing_ , Teddy, and most days I can’t even believe you like me.”

“I _love_ you,” Teddy corrects him softly.

“And I just figured like, what are the odds we’ll end up going to the same school? Or be in the same city, state, fucking time zone even? And, you know…long distance, it doesn’t work, and you’ll meet someone better, and…yeah, I’d lose you. To that hypothetical college dude.” He laughs nervously. “Some guy named Colin who plays rugby and does musical theater.”

Teddy has a hard time not laughing himself. “You’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“It’s pretty much all I think about,” Billy admits quietly.

“Well – shit, I mean, don’t you think I’ve been stressing about this stuff too?” He’s walking now, away from the subway, trying to organize his thoughts. “I’m _totally_ freaked about college. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. You should’ve talked to me, Billy,” he sighs. “I thought you were avoiding me because you didn’t _want_ me in your life after high school.”

“Oh.” Billy sounds taken aback. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Of course I want you. I always want you.”

“I always want you too.” He blinks back moisture clouding the corners of his eyes. “You’re my best friend. I really don’t know what the fuck to do without you.”

“Me either,” Billy says, and Teddy can hear the smile in his words, and his heart thuds unevenly in his chest. “So, can we just – ”

“Yes.” Teddy hasn’t been paying attention to where he’s walking, but he's not surprised when he turns the corner and sees the Grindhouse logo, and sees Billy on his back stretched across the bench outside. Figures he’d end up here. He hopes he always ends up here.

“ – forget this whole thing ever happened?”

“Yes.”

Billy seems suddenly confused by the sound coming from his phone. He sits up and looks around, and when his eyes fall on Teddy, the smile on his face is one Teddy knows he’ll never forget. He puts the phone to his ear again and says, “Thank god.”

Teddy bites his lip and ends the call, walking over to Billy as slowly as his legs will allow him to. He sits, and Billy takes his hand.

“So,” he says, meeting his boyfriend’s soft brown eyes. “I guess we can establish that we’re both complete idiots.”

Billy nods. “Definitely.”

“I hate it break it to you, Kaplan, but there’s no well in hell I’m _ever_ losing you again.” He tucks a rogue strand of Billy’s hair behind his ear, and it springs back out defiantly. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Billy buries his face in Teddy’s shoulder. “I’ll learn to cope.”

“I mean it,” he whispers into Billy’s hair. “If I catch your ass going off the deep end again, I’m dragging you out, kicking and screaming.”

Billy doesn’t say anything, just presses closer, and Teddy feels a little wetness on his shirt where Billy’s face is. He brings Billy’s palm to his lips and kisses it. “It’s you and me, B.”

Billy pulls back and kisses him softly. He can taste salt from a few escaped tears on Billy’s top lip. “Goddamnit, Teddy, I love you so much,” Billy chokes out. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you – ”

“No. Shut up,” Teddy says firmly. “Don’t ruin the moment with that bullshit.” He runs a thumb down the tear track on Billy’s cheek. "You deserve everything, and I'm gonna give it to you."

Billy sniffles, and then grins. “Okay. In that case, do you think we could just go straight into makeup sex?”

And just like that, everything is wonderful again. “Thought you’d never ask,” Teddy grins back, and then they’re both grabbing their stuff and rushing to Billy’s building, holding each other much tighter than necessary, but Teddy never wants to let go.

\--

Billy knows he got a little emotional over his and Teddy’s reunion, but he kind of thinks it’s overkill when his _mother_ starts crying the second they walk through the door together. “Your father and I are going out,” she sniffs. “Jordan and Ben are over at Marsha’s – oh, Teddy, I’m _so_ glad to see you.”

Teddy, because he’s perfect, just smiles warmly at her. “It’s good to be back,” he says, winking at Billy. “I missed you guys.”

“Rebecca, it’s only been a couple weeks,” his father mutters. “You’re scaring the boys.”

She nods quickly. “You’re right, dear. Okay boys, we’ll be back later this evening. There are pizza rolls in the freezer.” She kisses them both. “Be safe.”

Billy only realizes what she meant after they’re out the door. Teddy turns to him. “Did your mom just –?”

“Please, let’s pretend it didn’t happen,” Billy groans. “I can only endure so much trauma in one day.”

Teddy says, “Deal,” and then kisses him. Hard.

Billy lets his boyfriend carry him up the stairs this time, because quite frankly, it’s totally hot, and because what they’re doing feels like a promise, like something bigger and more important than all the times they’ve done it before. He makes Teddy take his clothes off first and pushes him back on the bed, crawling over him and keeping as little space between them as possible as he kisses up Teddy’s body. _I’ll never push you away_ , he thinks. _I’m keeping you right here_. Then Teddy whines, and Billy takes his own clothes off too, and he’s straddling Teddy in just his briefs, feeling the impossibly good sensation of Teddy’s growing hard-on rubbing against his through the thin fabric.

Teddy slips his fingers inside his waistband and whispers, “I love you,” before wrapping them around the base of Billy’s cock. He hisses and jerks in Teddy’s hand, torn between wanting to rip his briefs off _right now_ and wanting Teddy to keep doing that forever.

After a few seconds, he realizes he really needs to just get naked. Teddy helps.

He stays straddling Teddy, trapping the larger boy between his knees, as Teddy pulls out the lube they now keep stashed in a toolbox behind Billy’s bed. Billy turns around and tells Teddy to prepare him slow, because they’ve got time, and he wants to feel every twitch of Teddy’s fingers inside him, wants to lose himself in the long moments his boyfriend spends opening him up, pressing the pads of his slick fingers in all the right places, occasionally letting his free hand slide over Billy’s leaking erection. And then, when he can feel Teddy trembling with the effort it’s taking not to touch himself, he lifts himself off Teddy’s fingers and turns back around. He sucks gently on each of Teddy’s earrings and Teddy moans loudly.

“Billy… _please_ …”

He almost goes over the edge just looking at Teddy’s face as he takes Teddy inside him. “Oh my god,” he gasps, feeling Teddy slowly fill him up. “ _Fuck_.”

Teddy grabs his hips and thrusts up, and Billy falls forward with his hands on his boyfriend’s chest, swearing and shaking. “I’m sorry, Teddy,” he whispers. “I don’t think I’m gonna last here.”

Teddy grabs the back of his neck and pulls him down for a hot, breathless kiss. “Me either,” he says. “But we’ve got the rest of our lives for that. Right now, I just want to watch you come.” He bites gently near the base of Billy’s ear. “Come for me, Billy.”

Two quick strokes, and Billy’s doing just that, crying out in a broken string of nonsense words, shooting all over himself and Teddy. Teddy bucks into him again and comes half a second later, and Billy can feel the throb inside him echoing his own, and he tips forward to press his damp forehead against Teddy’s, smiling and trying to catch his breath. “Wow,” he murmurs. “We should break up more often.”

Teddy grunts in response and presses a sloppy kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Don’t even think about it.”

 

They’ve now showered, dressed, eaten pizza rolls, and are surfing through the bizarre channels Billy’s parents get as part of their cable service. They watch a full episode of a telenova without really meaning to, because even in Spanish, the plot is engrossing. After trying out a couple disturbing cartoon channels and one obscure British network that seems to do nothing but play _Dr. Zhivago_ on loop, they find themselves back to their usual habits, watching _Piranhaconda_ on the SciFi channel, which is even more ridiculous than it sounds.

Billy groans as the Piranhaconda eats a topless woman. “Man, I liked her.”

“She fucked with the wrong fish-snake monster,” Teddy says solemnly.

He nuzzles against Teddy’s arm, which is slung over his shoulders and keeping them comfortably pressed together. “What would you do if I got eaten by a piranhaconda?”

Teddy grins down at him. “I’d avenge you, obviously. Turn that sucker into ten thousand fish sticks.”

“Would you be sad?”

“Yeah, maybe a little, but I’d have ten thousand fish sticks to dull the pain.” He kisses Billy’s hair. “Don’t get eaten by any CGI monsters, okay?”

“I think I can manage that.”

“Good. If I hear from your mom you went into the jungle, against the advice of your superstitious native guides, to hunt a prehistoric crocodile, I’m gonna be super pissed.”

Billy snorts. “You know, if I was in one of these movies, I probably would be that guy.”

“You probably would,” Teddy agrees. “I, on the other hand, would be the handsome and cautious scientist who bravely defeats the monster in the end.”

“As if. You’d be the fucking piranhaconda,” Billy retorts. Then he laughs. “And I’d go into the jungle to find you.”

Teddy’s eyes are wide. “Oh my god, I think you just turned _Piranhaconda_ into a tragic romance.”

“It’s the only way we can be together!” Billy cries as the piranhaconda swallows another victim. “I must eat you!”

“Poor piranhaconda,” Teddy sighs. “He just wants to be loved.”

“There’s a message here,” Billy agrees. He turns to face Teddy. “I’m really glad we’re back together, because I don’t think anyone else in the world would watch these movies with me.”

Teddy kisses him. “Probably not,” he says. “I think we’ll just have to stay together.”

Billy kisses him back and bites his lip gently, smiling at the noise of approval Teddy makes in response. He breathes in Teddy’s scent, slightly damp and cleaner around the edges from their shower. “Okay.”

“Sound good?”

He wiggles his way under Teddy’s arm again. “Sounds perfect.” 

\--

A few months from now, Billy will get a packet in the mail from Pomona College announcing his acceptance. It’ll be his first acceptance letter, and Teddy will be there when he opens it. They’ll celebrate with pizza and another crappy science fiction movie, and then probably sex in Teddy’s basement. Teddy won’t have heard from any schools yet, which will be slightly concerning for both of them, but they’ll know there’s still plenty of time. Eli will have gotten into Columbia, as Kate had known he would, and she’ll have nixed her plans for a traditional undergraduate education in favor of going to the Fashion Institute of New York.

“You can always just come to FINY with me,” she’ll tell Teddy over lunch. “You’ll be in excellent company. There’s like, four straight guys in the whole place.”

Billy’s head will snap up at this. “No way,” he’ll say vehemently. “No Colins.” Teddy will laugh at that. “If anything,” Billy will continue, “Teddy’s gonna pull a Felicity and come out to California with me.”

Teddy will grin and throw a french fry lazily at Billy’s head. “Is that so?”

Kate will make a face at them. “Ugh, I can _totally_ see you two in Cali. Living in West Hollywood with your army of teacup Chihuahuas.” She’ll mime sticking her finger down her throat to drive the point home, and Teddy will grimace.

“No way,” he’ll shake his head. “Billy and I already decided we’re getting a pug.”

“And a fat yellow lab,” Billy will chime in. “Don’t forget Butters.”

Eli will hold up his hand. “I’m sorry, you named your future hypothetical dogs?”

Teddy will nod enthusiastically. “Our pug’s name is going to be Shatterstar.”

Eli will scoff and roll his eyes. “Typical.”

Billy will accuse them of petty jealousy, and then Teddy will have to walk him to class, and he’ll insist on carrying his books, because Billy’s been accepted to college now, and college boys don’t carry their own books. Billy will express his doubts about Teddy’s theories on college boys, but he won’t argue.

There will be matching acceptance letters to Syracuse waiting for them when they get home, but they won’t know about that yet. All Teddy will know for the moment is that he and Billy are strongest when they’re together, like two halves of the same whole, and that whatever comes, they’ll face it just like that. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not totally sick of this story, I also wrote a little [afterward/supplement](http://archiveofourown.org/works/562681) type thing that takes place when they're in college together. Thanks for reading! :)


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